We are parents of a one year old trying to protect her from toxic grandparent relationships. What can we do in advance?

I would be very cautious about creating a legal visitation agreement or custody order with the grandparents. In fact, based on what you describe, I would generally advise against doing that without first speaking with a North Carolina family law attorney.

North Carolina gives fit parents significant constitutional protection in deciding who has access to their children. Grandparents generally do not have the right to initiate an action simply seeking visitation with a grandchild who is living in an intact family when there is no custody proceeding already pending.

That is important here. If both parents agree that contact with the grandparents should be limited or eliminated, you generally do not need a court order giving you permission to make that parenting decision.

Creating a court-ordered visitation arrangement with grandparents can have consequences that parents may not anticipate. Once grandparents are made parties to a custody proceeding or are granted court-ordered visitation, you may create continuing legal rights and opportunities for them to return to court that they would not otherwise have had.

I would therefore not enter into a consent custody order simply to establish rules about holidays, gifts, visits, or boundaries.

You can communicate your boundaries directly to the grandparents without turning those boundaries into a custody case. For example, the parents can jointly decide whether visits will occur, whether they will be supervised, what gifts are appropriate, and what behavior will result in ending a visit.

If the grandparents are threatening litigation or you believe there are circumstances that could create a legitimate custody claim, consult a North Carolina family law attorney before signing anything or agreeing to any court order. When both parents are united and exercising their parental rights, sometimes the best legal strategy is not to create a court case where none currently exists.